Saturday, February 28, 2009


i'm in dallas now. my grandbabies are still as adorable as the last time i saw them! we went shopping at the outlet mall this morning. fun! fun! i have my credit card back now, but i didn't overdo it.(for those of you who don't know, steve had to take my cards away when i started being manic. i was spending like there was no tomorrow!) just bought a couple of things for me and some for mandy and emily. nothing for he grandbabies,(if you can believe that), because i already brought some things for them with me. tonight we are going to go out to eat at a REALLY good mexican restaraunt!

Friday, February 27, 2009

GOIN' TO SEE THE GRANDBABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm going to dallas to see the grandbabies today!!!!! (and mandy,too. i hope you don't ever feel left out when i say i'm going to see the grandbabies!) i'm so excited, even though it's only been 2 weeks since i saw them last! it really seems like longer! i'm SO happy that they live close enough so that i can see them this often!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


finally got to talk to the dr. he said he thinks the new med is causing me to be restless and not manic. it is a side effect. so now i have to take another med for that! crazy huh? he also said the new med should help with the depression too and that it will just take time! just what i wanted to hear!!!!!!


so now i'm not just manic i'm depressed too! i've been trying to call the dr. for 3 days and still haven't been successful! what to do? it really doesn't seem possible that i could be both but it feels like it! not doing well!

Sunday, February 22, 2009


please don't call me crazy,
because crazy i'm not,
i wish you could walk in my shoes
and give it a shot!

if i was crazy,
i wouldn't have to feel
and deal with all the things
with which i have to deal.

most of the time i'm down
as low as low can be,
then something makes me up
so high that i can't see,

can't see all the foolish things i do
and all the things i say,
that i will feel regret for,
on another day.

they call it an emotional rollercoaster,
that's not what i would say,
because riding on a rollercoaster
wouldn't make you feel this way.

rollercoasters are supposed to be fun
and give you a thrill!
this thing i'm going through
doesn't have any appeal!

i try to think of the highs
as God's gift to me
to make up for all the lows,
but sometimes it's hard to see

why God would choose this way
to test and try me,
and make me into the kind of person
he wants me to be.

God let me look to you
and trust you evermore,
so i can learn to realize
just what this all is for!

carol beck



church didn't work out so well today. i got up and got ready, even though i felt kinda weird. i drove there just fine, but after i got there and after we sang some songs, i thought i was feeling sleepy. this really scared me, because i was afraid of driving home while sleepy. so i just left right then and went and got a coke to help me stay awake, if i got sleepy and then drove home. i was just fine, of course! i should have stayed, but i'm just SO afraid of having to drive sleepy, like i've done several times since i've been on these new meds! i don't know what i'm going to have to do to get over this anxiety about sleeping! i get anxiey about it every night around bedtime. i just try to do something else and forget about it. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.


Saturday, February 21, 2009



i've had a busy week getting back into the swing of things after the trip. tuesday i just stayed home all day and did laundry, unpacked suitcases, packed up valentines decorations, and etc. wednesday i had an appointment with the chiropractor. thursday i went to weight watchers. i have lost a total of 11 something pounds! not too bad for 3 weeks and a trip in that time. i didn't count points while on the trip, either. i also had dessett a couple of times. (you have to have cake at a wedding don't you?) i also went to a luncheon with the mormon ladies. friday i had another chripractor appointment and an appointment with my new therapist. i really like her! it's kind of a long way to go, but i'll do it because i really need it! she's in richmond right by terry high school. a busy but mostly good week. i called dr. parikh about the anxiety attacks i'm having almost every night. he upped my giodon and told me i might just have to take klonopin for the anxiety for a while. i don't like taking klonopin, because i know it's highly addictive, but i know my dr. knows what's best for me. he says i'll never get addicted, because i'm too concerned about getting addicted. besides he says it's only for a short period of time. i guess i'll just have to deal with taking it! it's better then the alternative! my mania has been manageable so i'm happy for that! i'm planning a trip to dallas next weekend. mandy's husband is going to be out of town. i'm sure we will have a lot of fun and i get to see the grandbabies! what more could i ask for?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


we are home again and i'm as happy to be home as i was excited to go. nothing makes you appreciate home more then being away from it! i'm just chillin' today, while the cleaning lady cleans! (sorry for bragging, but i love my life in that sense!) it was a really fun trip, even though i had 4 panic attacks and a few melt downs! i forgot to take enough meds and thus the reason for 1 of the melt downs, i think. the mania is pretty much under control. it's mainly just the anxiety i'm dealing with now. i'm really appreciating our warmer weather. like i told lori in a comment, "it's a nice place to visit, but i wouldn't want to live there!" (even though we did live there several years and i had 3 of my kids in wyoming and 1 in colorado. i was younger then and could take the cold better, i think!) i do have some pics i'll post later when i find out how to upload them from my camera!

Sunday, February 15, 2009


having a great time, mostly just hanging out at the cabin! (i have pics to come latter of every room! it's awesome!) there have been a million people here, at least, and they are all related to steve! i got to go shopping yesterday at the park city outlet mall! that was fun! there is lots of snow here and it's snowed several times since we' ve been here. you have to have a four wheel drive vehicle or chains to get to the cabin! i helped oli build a snowman! (more like a snow pile since the snow wasn't sticking very well!) of course, spending time with my grandbabies is the best activity of all!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


we got in aroud noon and then went to lunch with megan and travis at my fav place, chuck o rama. then we did a little shopping for ski and cold weather stuff. we had to pick up my niece, who lives in omaha at the airport, and then we went to my other niece's shower (the one whose wedding was the main reason for our trip). yesterday megan and i went to the beauty school, where my niece went, and got facials, hair deep conditioning, and i got a scalp treatment. we went to lunch at a really yummy soup, salad, and sandwich place and then went to a movie that afternoon. the movie was PUSH. i really liked it! boy, these kids really keep you on the go! last time i came here, when i got home i had to sleep for a day to catch up! last night i fell asleep pretty early. we were going to watch some tv but i didn't make it! i'm lovin' every minute!

Monday, February 9, 2009


i woke up at 3:42 am and i can't sleep anymore! i'm like a kid on christmas morning! i'm SO excited about going to utah! we're going to have SO much fun playing in the snow, relaxing at the cabin, and visiting everybody! i can't wait!

Sunday, February 8, 2009



this pic reminds me of when we lived in riverton, wyoming where natalie was born. they had a hot air balloon rally there every year.

Saturday, February 7, 2009


"All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that" ~Kellie Coffey

Friday, February 6, 2009


went to girls night out last night or gno as they call it. it was a hoot!!! we shut the place down. they almost had to kick us out! the people who worked there asked if we had marijuana in the brownies that liz brought. i guess we were so crazy they thought we were high!


went bicycling for the second time today with jan and jawan. it's really fun and not hard on my legs at all! it think it's the company that makes it SO fun!



jan and angie came over this afternoon and we worked on the craft room again. we got it where we are ready for the stuff in the attic next time. i'm so excited that i can now use my craft room for the first time since we moved into the house! i know where pretty much all my supplies are or i can find them easily if i don't because they are in clear containers!!!! LOVE IT!

Thursday, February 5, 2009


i seem to be doing a lot of updates today!! anyway, the pampered chef party was fun, even though only two people came. we had great conversation and even greater food!!! found WAY too many things i want to earn from it! sorry ya'll missed out! i guess it was a bad night.


i can't remember if i've told ya'll, but i've had this excruciating pain in my leg for the past few years when i stand on them very long. i'd gone to the medical dr. and they couldn't figure it out. they just said probably just my weight.(then why didn't i have it in both legs i ask?) anyway, i finally decided i would try a chiropractor as a last resort. you see, i never used to believe in chiropractors. i thought they were all quacks (even though steve's cousin is one). since the insurance will pay, i decided why not give it a shot. i started going last week. he told me i had a pinched nerve caused by a movement of some kind (i can't remember what he called it) of my hip joint. it was causing lower back pain, too. i hadn't seen much improvement until yesterday. i went the whole day without pain, until it started hurting a little bit at night. today i haven't had any pain, so far! i'm ecstatic!!!!! it hasn't felt this good in years! GO CHIROPRACTORS!!!!! another myth disspelled!!!!!!


went to weight watchers today and i'd lost 7.8 pounds this last week!!!!!! YEAH ME!!!!! YEAH WEIGHT WATCHERS! the best weight loss program in the world!!! i don't usually praise myself very often, but i think this deserves it!!!!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


don't forget about my pampered chef party tonight at 7:00!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Family Traditions
Yesterday at 11:21am
Traditions are very important to children. Have you experienced the following? You do something once and it becomes that thing we "always do". One year we made and decorated cut out cookies before Christmas. The next year the kids bugged me to death to make those "cookies we always make". One way we know traditions are important is kids are so invested in seeing them continue.

When I was growing up my mom made a very big deal out of holidays. She still does. Her house is decorated in pumpkins and scarecrows for Halloween, red hearts for Valentine's Day, pastel eggs for Easter and flags for the Fourth of July. Everyone decorates for Christmas but my mom puts up shamrocks and served us green oatmeal on St. Patrick's Day. She believes in celebrating!

One Valentine's Day, when I was a snarky teenager, we had wrapped presents on our breakfast plates along with decorative napkins. I asked the following question as only a teenager can ask, "If the Easter Bunny brings Easter baskets, who brings the Valentine's presents?" My dad, at the top of his game, quickly replied, "The Valentine's Cow, of course". The Valentine Cow visited us for many years after that and continued to visit us when I had children of my own.

One day this week the Valentine's Cow will buy candy and cards. She'll make cookies and pack everything in boxes to send to our college boys. My daughter's gift has already been purchased. Celebrations and traditions are important. You have them, too. Think about what they are, talk about them and celebrate the things that make your family unique. A Valentine's Cow is pretty unique and while I'm not sure I appreciate the bovine reference, I am happy to continue the tradition.

(I do pretty much the same things at my house except no Valentine cow and never any green oatmeal I have to say!)


Monday, February 2, 2009

if any of my friends or family out there in blogland want something from pampered chef just let me know and i'll shoot you the info!!!