OUT ON MY BACK PORCH......

i'm out on my back porch and it's a beautiful, sunny day!!!! i'm thinking "now how could anyone be anxious on a day like today?" that someone would be me, of course. i'm not anxious right now, actually, but i spend most of my time when i'm not anxious being afraid that it's going to come back. so basically, i'm anxious about being anxious! sounds stupid, i know, but in my mind that's just the way i think! i'd like to change it, but i don't know how. i try to tell myself to enjoy these times, but the anxiety seems to always be in the back of my mind. i wake up in the morning wondering how the day will be. i don't want to get up in the morning, because i'm afraid it will be an anxious day. i do have the pills, but i don't like to take them, because i want to try to overcome this myself. they make me sleepy sometimes and so i'm afraid to take them if i'm not at home, so i stay at home most of the time. (doesn't help to overcome anxiety).if i feel like i just can't stand it anymore, i take one. i make myself suffer more then i have to, because i don't take them.