Friday, April 10, 2009

OUT ON MY BACK PORCH......

i'm out on my back porch and it's a beautiful, sunny day!!!! i'm thinking "now how could anyone be anxious on a day like today?" that someone would be me, of course. i'm not anxious right now, actually, but i spend most of my time when i'm not anxious being afraid that it's going to come back. so basically, i'm anxious about being anxious! sounds stupid, i know, but in my mind that's just the way i think! i'd like to change it, but i don't know how. i try to tell myself to enjoy these times, but the anxiety seems to always be in the back of my mind. i wake up in the morning wondering how the day will be. i don't want to get up in the morning, because i'm afraid it will be an anxious day. i do have the pills, but i don't like to take them, because i want to try to overcome this myself. they make me sleepy sometimes and so i'm afraid to take them if i'm not at home, so i stay at home most of the time. (doesn't help to overcome anxiety).if i feel like i just can't stand it anymore, i take one. i make myself suffer more then i have to, because i don't take them.

2 comments:

Jennifer said...

Take them. Just do it. There is no overcoming this by yourself, and that is not a statement about your character. It is a disease, it is what it is. You shouldn't have to suffer symptoms you can alleviate (although not driving on them is wise). I, too, find it hard to enjoy happiness. I find the back part of my mind waiting for the other shoe to drop. We do what we can do, and you are doing great.

Leslie said...

I like Jennifer's advise to you. I whole heart-edly agree.