please don't call me crazy,
because crazy i'm not,
i wish you could walk in my shoes
and give it a shot!
if i was crazy,
i wouldn't have to feel
and deal with all the things
with which i have to deal.
most of the time i'm down
as low as low can be,
then something makes me up
so high that i can't see,
can't see all the foolish things i do
and all the things i say,
that i will feel regret for,
on another day.
they call it an emotional rollercoaster,
that's not what i would say,
because riding on a rollercoaster
wouldn't make you feel this way.
rollercoasters are supposed to be fun
and give you a thrill!
this thing i'm going through
doesn't have any appeal!
i try to think of the highs
as God's gift to me
to make up for all the lows,
but sometimes it's hard to see
why God would choose this way
to test and try me,
and make me into the kind of person
he wants me to be.
God let me look to you
and trust you evermore,
so i can learn to realize
just what this all is for!
carol beck
]
October 2020
3 years ago
7 comments:
Did you write that? Wow...very powerful.. I'm sorry that you have to go through trials like this. It is hard to understand why--but you are a very strong, loving, caring person and will get through anything.Just have that hope for yourself too... My mom and dad just love you guys and talk about you guys all the time. I've been in depressed modes, and luckily have gotten out of them. My mom sometimes is the same way...it not fun. You're in my thoughts and prayers!!
kenzee, yes, i did write the poem and being this way is the pits, but i keep trying to find the good in it. thanks for your comments! as i've gotten to know you through blogging i've found out what a wonderful person you are! i never really knew you before. your parents should be VERY proud! they say they are coming to see us soon. make them do it, ok? you and the rest of your family should come too. we'd love to have you all!
Amen and amen, sista! I could never have expressed it as beautifully as you have here, but you have captured so many of my feelings. I think of the last verse of the hymn "How Firm a Foundation":
"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes; That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake, I'll never, no never, no never forsake!"
Carol, that is a beautiful poem! You are so very talented! Thank you so much for sharing and letting us know how you feel. If there is anything I can do to help - let me know.
We just talked on the phone and you told me about your poem. I immediately logged on to check it out! Thanks for sharing the feelings in your soul. You shared them beautifully...what a poem! I love the ending of it.
why God would choose this way
to test and try me,
and make me into the kind of person
he wants me to be.
God let me look to you
and trust you evermore,
so i can learn to realize
just what this all is for!
We can endure!
Love you!
I LOVED that.
Hi Carol,
Just found that you have a blog...love this poem. Really, it sounds so "published". Its seems the very most creative people experience the worst of depression. Doesn't seem fair, though.
Debbie
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