Sunday, January 4, 2009


Bay look alike
a MUCH skinnier Hooney look alike

i knew it was coming and now its here! just me and the cats and i don't really even like the cats! (they do nasty stuff on the floor and scratch on the furniture.) i'm sitting here with the ghost of christmas past (christmas decorations) singing my newest made up song -me and the cats- REALLY loud!!!! (ask my kids about my made up songs! hey, its one of those things i inherited from my mother, ok? except not the loudness. my mother is one of the most soft spoken people i know! what happened to me you ask? i contribute if to bad hearing on my part from lots of ear infections when i was little so i can't hear how loud i am! does that sound like a good excuse to you?) i didn't go to church today. why? because i'm evil! i had to take megan and travis to the hulses so they could take them to the airport this morning. on the way home i saw all the cars at different churches along the way and i was thinking "i should really go to church today!" then i thought "no it'll be too late when i get home." and then i got home and went straight to bed. i had a relatively good excuse- i stayed up 'til 3am but that's not different then most other nights! i seem to be sleepy all day and wide awake at night! (anybody else have this problem?) steve says it happens if i drink caffeine too late at night but it doesn't seem to matter if i do or i don't and during the day if i drink caffeine i'm still sleepy! something is messed up with my internal clock! while we are on the subject of internal stuff my internal thermostat is messed up too! i don't know if it's menopause (i thought i was over that) or just me! that's why i've been praying for more cooler weather! (haven't had much success though. maybe it's because of what the Bible says about God answering the fervent prayers of a righteous person!) so we're back to the spiritual stuff that i'm trying to avoid because i don't want other people to know about it. i can't remember the last time i went to church (except for to steve's church when megan was here or something special was happening) but i mean MY CHURCH! there i've said it and i'm not proud of it! in fact i'm VERY ashamed of it! i still consider myself a christian even though i know i'm not doing one of the things He commands us to do- attending church! i also still think i'm spiritual! i know God will forgive me of this if i repent and change my ways! i guess i'm just in a spiritual rut right now. i'm too embarassed to go back to the church that i went to before we moved because everybody is going to ask where i've been. that church is 45 min. away now and i've gone to churches that are closer (in the katy area) but it's SO hard to go to a new church especially when you've been going to the same one for 20 years and when you are by yourself! excuses, excuses, excuses- what all it boils down to is that i'm just weak! i'm also a VERY poor example to my children! i used to take all 4 of them by myself every sunday when they were little!!! now it's only me i have to get there! that SHOULD be simple! not for me! i'm the poster child for UNDISCIPLINED! i know the devil is playing a BIG part in this! i just can't seem to get him off my back! now that i've let the cat out of the bag- i might as well tell you the rest of the story! i really don't pray anymore and i don't read my Bible either! well-there you have it! that's probably the answer to what i need to do to get out of this rut! so i need to dry up these tears and JUST DO IT!!!!!! i love it when i figure something out by just blogging it! like i've said many times before my motto is "BLOGGING......THE CHEAPEST FORM OF THERAPY!" actually i'm pretty sure that the Big Guy upstairs probably had something to do with this realization!!!!! gotta give credit where credit is due and all good things come from God!!! there i feel a lot better now just getting this off my chest! now if i will just follow through i know i will be on the road to a more joyful life! why oh why do i keep doing the same things over and over? they say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result! could that be the answer? i take comfort in the fact that the people in the old testament did the same thing. they kept turning away from God and then going back, then turning away and going back! it gets boring just reading about it! i keep asking "why didn't they learn from their past mistakes?" it's so easy to see the answer to other peoples problems and the problems that stand out in other people are usually the ones we struggle with ourselvcs! if we could only just figure out the answers for our own problems and quit seeing the weaknesses in others! man- i'm preaching a sermon today!!!! preach on sista!!! well (my fav word) -i'm gonna stop now and go read some other peoples blogs now! i've found some really good ones lately and since i've figured out how to list them on my blog you should check them out too (see below)! especially (i still can't figure out how to do the link thing! mandy can you help or is it too complicated for my simple mind to grasp? i have figured out quite a few comp-related things lately though and i'm really proud of myself! guess i better not be too proud 'cause as they say "pride cometh before the fall" and in this case it would be the computer failure!!!!


Jennifer said...

I'm so glad you wrote this post. I am so exactly, to the letter, in the same place that you are in. No praying, no scripture-reading, I go to church, but no feeling the Spirit. And I've come up with the same things you have - just do it. Reform. Repent. Read the scriptures. Pray. I'm having a hard time doing it, though. We'll have to support each other. But we aren't undisciplined. A LOT of this is illness. And the Lord doesn't hold all this stuff against us - he knows better than we do what we are up against. You are a really wonderful woman and example.

LaRessie said...

Sista I feel your pain. I am still going to church and I pray and I read sometimes... but, the desire to go to church is not always there. I dread going.. sometimes I only go because I HAVE TO.. I teach.. Great teacher huh?
I was in church today and we were "greeting" we do this after the first verse of the first song, just saying hello and hugging your brothers and sisters. I looked around and saw some people that REALLY mean a lot to me. It wwas heart warming, it was from God. I know you don't want to go back especially with the drive. You WILL find the right place for you. Let God lead you.
As far as reading the bible.. I found this link

It is a daily bible reading. YOu can select to subscribe to the RSS.. it will update daily on your favorites link it has a "feeds" link. You can go there and click on it.. anyway you can listen to the bible on this link also. Maybe that will help. IT IS ON THE COMPUTER... woo hoo....
LOVE YOU... and know I am here for ya.

Carol Beck said...

jennifer, thanks for the supportive words! you are an encouragement to me!

Carol Beck said...

laressie, i call "greeting" forced friendliness and i don't like it! we used to do it too at sugar grove. thanks for the words of encouragement and please pray for me and i will try to pray for you! (i'm not gonna lie about praying!)

LaRessie said...

I know what you are saying about "forced" but I have to say, I go seek the ones I need to greet. I look for the people I know like me, they are hurting. I won't "fAKE" it. I don't put on a church face. Can't do it. I know you won't lie.