Saturday, December 20, 2008
I IDENTIFY WITH THE GRINCH
ive been thinking and maybe the reason i like the grinch so much is because i identify with him. when i was in school i was thought of as fat. i really wasnt fat then but i believed what people thought about me. i definitely wasnt one of those skinny mini teenagers but i really wasnt fat. i look back on pics of my younger days and i think if only i could be that "fat" now!!! i didnt date much in high school and i had low self esteem. i still suffer with this to this day!! the difference is now i really am fat!! i know that im fat. i am able to say that to other people now but i still dont like it if other people say it about me. in our society fat is definitely not acceptable!!! you cant be pretty if youre fat today! i know its not healthy and i do have health issues that would improve if i lost weight. i probably wont live as long if i dont lose weight. i know what i need to do to lose weight but that doesnt make it any easier. i have been successful at weight loss before so i know i can do it. i lost 70 pounds before on weight watchers but gained it back because of the meds i was taking. i was however maniac at the time and became obsessed with weight loss. oh what a wonderful obsession! if i could only get it back again!! i was a walking commercial for weight watchers! i would talk to anybody who would listen about it!!! i never ever cheated!!! now my obsessions are eating and shopping!!! both have negative results!! why does food have to taste so good and eating be SO enjoyable?? why do i get such a high out of shopping????