Saturday, December 20, 2008


ive been thinking and maybe the reason i like the grinch so much is because i identify with him. when i was in school i was thought of as fat. i really wasnt fat then but i believed what people thought about me. i definitely wasnt one of those skinny mini teenagers but i really wasnt fat. i look back on pics of my younger days and i think if only i could be that "fat" now!!! i didnt date much in high school and i had low self esteem. i still suffer with this to this day!! the difference is now i really am fat!! i know that im fat. i am able to say that to other people now but i still dont like it if other people say it about me. in our society fat is definitely not acceptable!!! you cant be pretty if youre fat today! i know its not healthy and i do have health issues that would improve if i lost weight. i probably wont live as long if i dont lose weight. i know what i need to do to lose weight but that doesnt make it any easier. i have been successful at weight loss before so i know i can do it. i lost 70 pounds before on weight watchers but gained it back because of the meds i was taking. i was however maniac at the time and became obsessed with weight loss. oh what a wonderful obsession! if i could only get it back again!! i was a walking commercial for weight watchers! i would talk to anybody who would listen about it!!! i never ever cheated!!! now my obsessions are eating and shopping!!! both have negative results!! why does food have to taste so good and eating be SO enjoyable?? why do i get such a high out of shopping????


Alisha said...

70 lbs on Weight Watchers! That is awesome! Those dang meds. My mom found success with WW too. I love how real & honest you are. It's so difficult that we can always see the flaws in ourselves & of course that's what we dwell on.

P.S. I'm so glad you learned how to post pictures-- I'm loving the pics of your family. The one with your hubby in the Santa hat cracks me up!

Carol Beck said...

yea! he can get pretty silly sometimes but most of the time he is really serious. i tell him he needs to learn to relax more often. he has LOTS of headaches and i know they are stress related!!! he has SO many responsibilities!!!! i worry about him sometimes because he has a family history of stroke at an early age!! his dad died at 61 of a stroke and his grandfather died at 59 of a stroke also. i hope he takes after his mothers side of the family although they have a lot of diabetes on her side and he has just found out recently that he has that also. please pray for him!!!~