im starting to wonder if im doing the right thing by letting out all these inner feelings. when i think about what im about to write i wonder if yall will think im crazy!! but....here goes anyway......dont let me down!!!! i think i may be starting to realize when im manic while its happening not later. which is a good thing i think because then i can do something to stop myself if i start to say or do something stupid!! right now i feel like all is well with the world! i know it cant be that way but i still feel that way! im being very domestic lately! steve is helping me out a lot! im ready for christmas except for a few minor details! ive had company for 3 nights in a row. i used to hate to have company. i always felt like everything had to be perfect and i didnt have enough energy to make everything perfect. it made it too stessful to have people over. it does help that i have a maid now but she only comes every 2 weeks. its enough to keep everything deep down clean but i still have to pick up and straighten up and do all the day to day stuff. i see colors brighter and everything looks prettier. food tastes better. my sense of smell is heightened! i appreciate everything i have so much more. its not a bad feeling but i feel like it cant last. im able to decorate and etc. for christmas. i still feel really tired and sleepy a lot but im able to get these things done because i really want to do them. i wonder if maybe its just the christmas spirit that i talk about so much but i dont think so. or maybe this is just living a joyful life like we are supposed to. a life without depression. depression dulls the senses and makes everything seem negative. or maybe this is just a result of the days that i missed my meds. i really dont know the answer but i certainly wouldnt mind if it stays around for a while!!! i could sure use a break from depression and that gloom and doom lifestyle!!! im kind of mixed up right now to what im feeling. if any of you have any insights let me know. i dont remember when was the last time i felt this happy!! pray that it wont go away!!!
3 comments:
I think you are definitely manic-but who cares. You have to enjoy the few perks mental illness brings. But, the ultimate goal, as I know you know, is to be as well as possible and being able to identify your swings is half the battle.
I'm in that same manic place right now too. The other night I stayed up until 5:00 a.m baking! But, mine also entails alot of paranoia which never feels too good. I struggle with remembering my meds too! That reminds me, I need to go take em'.........!
Oh, and I think the greatest thing about blogs is it belongs to you! You get to post as often and crazily as you'd like. Those of us who love it, and you, just keep coming back for more! If I didn't like your cooking I wouldn't keep coming to your house for dinner! Ya know what I'm sayin'?
i love you liz!! im SO glad i have you on my side!!
Manic - probably. But why kick out all that happiness and joy! Like Liz, my mania is as negative as the depression. I had a lot of fun with you, and I like how much I can know you from your blog.
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